Dads think they are the coolest, they are experts in many things except cracking jokes. They open their treasure collection of the corniest jokes, especially in front of their kids’ friends or at a social gathering. The jokes are so bad that you feel like shutting yourself in your closet and waiting for your friends or the crowd to just forget that you existed.
Dad JokesDad jokes are so lame and uncool that you know one when you hear it. For those who are still unsure. The jokes are full of puns, wordplay mixed with the urge to get out of that place because of embarrassment. Just sit back, relax and enjoy reading the hilarious list of different Dad jokes.

Best Dad Jokes

  • What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  • Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
  • Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it
  • Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.
  • I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something

Best Dad-Jokes

  • Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.
  • We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
  • What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
  • I stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said “could you check my balance?”—so I pushed him. His balance wasn’t that great.
  • What did the police officer say to his belly button? You’re under a vest
  • Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything
  • My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.”
  • How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
  • How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  • Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian
  • Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood
  • What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two
  • Where do horses live? In neigh-borhoods
  • Someone has glued my pack of cards together—I don’t know how to deal with it.
  • How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.

Corny Dad Jokes

  • I couldn’t get a reservation at the library
  • How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  • If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
  • I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered
  • What do you call someone with nobody and no nose? Nobody knows
  • This graveyard looks overcrowded and dirty. People must be dying to get in there.
  • Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, Do you know how to drive this thing?

Corny Jokes

  • Don’t buy anything made with Velcro. It’s a total rip-off
  • What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  • Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
  • What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
  • My parents raised me as an only child. Which really annoyed my younger brother.
  • I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing
  • If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered beef?
  • RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
  • How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
  • I sold our vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust
  • Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs
  • What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator
  • How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

Funny Dad Jokes

  • Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
  • How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  • 5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
  • Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  • Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.
  • How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
  • Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.

Funny

  • Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
  • What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
  • Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
  • What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
  • My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point.
  • What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.
  • It takes guts to be an organ donor.
  • What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
  • I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
  • How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
  • A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” he says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”
  • What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”

Bad Dad Jokes

  • Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn’t press your luck.
  • I can only handle 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why (y).
  • Why can’t fish cry? Because they don’t have eyebrows.
  • In Jamaica it costs $2.50 for a pie, while in the Bahamas its $3. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
  • What do polar bears eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
  • I really dislike the constant advertisement from the municipality that always sticks under my screen wiper.
  • I had a dream that I was a muffler last night…I woke up exhausted!
  • Where do you learn to make ice cream? Sunday School.
  • I used to hate facial hair…But then it grew on me.
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field
  • My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.
  • Why did the can-crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing.
  • You can’t run through a camp site. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
  • My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad. I had to take his bike away.

  • What do you give a pig when it’s poor? An oink-ment!
  • I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.
  • I smeared some ketchup all over my eyes once. It was a bad idea in Heinz- sight.
  • As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said… “You know, one would have been enough.”
  • Within minutes, the detectives knew what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.
  • Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy.
  • Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

Lame Dad Jokes

  • Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.
  • Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
  • My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
  • How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
  • Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
  • What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
  • “I’ll call you later.” Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
  • What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
  • Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s wearable.
  • What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
  • Spring is here! I got so excited that I wet my plants.
  • I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
  • The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.

  • What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister!
  • I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
  • What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
  • I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.
  • I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.
  • How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
  • Dear Math, it’s time to grow up and solve your own problems.

Now that you have gone through all types of Dad jokes and laughed your heart out, choose your favourite ones to tell your friends and family at the risk of sounding lame and funny. They’ll be thrilled to hear these jokes, especially your Father.

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